Even as I write it, it feels surreal.
This journey has been 3 years, 1 month and 11 days. But I know I’ll carry this through my lifetime.
Starting was the hardest part believe it or not. The finish was easy. So easy in fact, it almost feels like my goal hasn’t been reached yet. But I think that’s key, I still have the motivation to keep going, which means I have the motivation to KEEP IT OFF!
There was a part of me, but a rather significant one that had very mixed emotions about seeing the number on the scale yesterday; 139.8. It meant the end of an incredible goal and the start of an incredible accomplishment…so why wasn’t I thrilled? Why was I sobbing when I told my husband? Thinking a lot about it, I feel a very emotional attachment to the heavier Janine, still beautiful, but someone who went through a lot. I’m afraid she’s going away. I’m afraid saying goodbye to her means I’m someone else…and I don’t want to be. How do I not be different but still feel excited to be smaller by 100lbs because it’s a HUGE accomplishment. I don’t even know how to feel fully happy. It’s weird, I can’t explain it and I certainly can’t attach a reason to it. So I’ll just say ‘it just is’ and right now how I feel is ‘enough’.
I’m not finished yet either, I feel another 10lbs is realistic, but I’ll keep the same creed I had when I started…..I’ll play this whole goal by how I feel…pound by pound, I’ll evaluate. And I’ll know when I feel my best and my happiest.
Thank you again for being here with me through it. I know I did the work, but you continuously pushed me to keep going and be my best self. Now I’ll tell you the same. If your goal is weight loss, PCT Hiking, quitting whatever vice you have, going back to school, buying a house, etc……just do it with you in mind. Keep true to yourself. That’s when those ‘little wins’ feel like monumental victories!